The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
