This girl is more easily done than said...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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