If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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