it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
