Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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