he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
