based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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