is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
