i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize