what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
