Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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