She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
