I skipped work to stalk him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I lost the right to judge tonight
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.