omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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