I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
