I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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