I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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