when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
