Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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