A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
