dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
how drunk are you?
Several
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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