found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
