Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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