Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
