Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
