He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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