My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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