Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My life is pants optional.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
