Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
