I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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