Well douche your snatch and let's go!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
