So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
