I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
