Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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