Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Congratulations! We have a period
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
