She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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