After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
