We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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