Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
