It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
