Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
