Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
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I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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