why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
