What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i think my cat just said my name.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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