I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
