You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
