We're like a lot better than the average bears
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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