...so i touched it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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