If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
