dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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