i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
