I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
