And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize