he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
