I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
