My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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