Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
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I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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