this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
