Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
