Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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