The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
