her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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