it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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