Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
